Xena, Gabrielle, and Eve join a group of Amazons fighting Ares. He wants them to give him Ambrosia, to regain his god-hood, and is also being driven mad by the Furies. The Amazons discover Eve is Livia, who killed and enslaved many Amazon villages, so decide she must die. Xena convinces them to wait until the battle is over. She leads Ares off, and Gabrielle frees Eve, while the Amazons drive off the remaining army. Xena goads Aries into a fight, and he believes he has killed her, at which point the Furies leave Ares, and a long-flying chakram kills them. Ares, now sane, is distraught at Xena's death. But Gabrielle arrives in time to revive her.
Xena and Gabrielle's psyche were harmed
during the making of this motion picture.
Xena, Gabrielle, and Eve go back to Amphipolis to meet Xena's mother, but find a ghost town, haunted by Mephistopheles. They discover Xena's mother was burned as a witch. Gabrielle undergoes some unpleasant possessions, and Eve nearly kills herself cleansing evil. Mephistopholes wants to rule on earth, but needs Eve's blood to do so. Xena goes down to Hell to try to kill him there, but he is invincible. So she persuades Eve to spill blood, Mephistopheles arrives and is made flesh, and Xena kills him. But he warned her that whoever did so will have to take his place...
No maggots were harmed during the making of this
motion picture, although a few were found stuck
to Gabrielle's teeth.
... Michael and Raphael are concerned that the gate to Hell is still open, with no-one on the throne since Mephistopholes was killed. An arrogant up-and-coming archangel volunteers to send Xena down the abyss, and they agree. So Lucifer arrives on Earth. The townspeople are being corrupted, and so are Xena and Gabrielle. Only Eve is still good, and she thinks she has to sacrifice Xena to close the pit. But in the middle of a slow-motion Bacchanale, Xena exposes Lucifer's corruption, and he's damned. He's cast into the pit, and the void closes, restoring everyone.
All Hell broke loose during the
filming of this motion picture.
Xena, Gabrielle, Eve and Virgil go back to Gabrielle's home, but only her sister is there. She learns she has a niece, Sarah, who was kidnapped and sold as a slave to Gurkhan's harem, and that her mother, father and brother-in-law were beheaded when they tried to buy her back. They go to rescue Sarah, and Gabrielle is determined to kill Gurkhan. Xena and Gabrielle infiltrate the palace, and Xena stops Gabrielle killing Gurkhan, getting herself severely beaten in the process. But this pique's Gurkhan's interest, so he chooses Xena to dance. As a reward she asks for Sarah's head on a plate, and we discover that she is the vicious number one wife (surprise!) Gurkhan is accidentally killed by his own men, and everyone escapes.
Xena's uncanny ability to recover from devastating
wounds was not harmed during the production of
this motion picture.
Xena and Gabrielle discover warring desert tribes who are being "cleansed" by the Romans. When the tribes discover that she is the legendary Xena, whose exploits have been passed down to them through Gabrielle's scrolls, they unite under her leadership to fight against the Romans. But then Gabrielle mistakenly kills the son of one of the chiefs. Devastated and guilt-ridden by her actions, she gives herself up, and is condemned to die. But Xena brings the Romans down on the tribes to act as a diversion so that she can rescue Gabrielle. Then she and Gabrielle fight on the tribes' side, and defeat the Romans. Gabrielle saves the chief's life in battle. But she is deeply shaken by what happened.
Despite severe air turbulence, no sand fleas were harmed
during the making of this motion picture, although some
experienced severe bouts of motion sickness.
Virgil and his friend are captured by cannibals, and his friend roasted and eaten. While tracking them down, Xena and Gabrielle are attacked by more cannibals, During the fight, Gabrielle hesitates to kill, seeing the face of the desert man she accidentally killed, and is wounded because of it. They escape and hide in a cave off the river, but Gabrielle is feverish from her wound. Xena takes her from the cave to try to find warmth, but they are attacked again by cannibals. Xena leaves Gabrielle to be captured for the time being, and tracks them back to their lair, discovering Virgil being fattened up for the feast. The cannibals look after Gabrielle, because they want their meat in prime condition. This gives Xena time to prepare a trap. Next day, as they are preparing Gabrielle for cooking, Xena attacks, and they all escape. Xena leads the cannibals into a trap below the freshly dammed river. Virgil and Gabrielle go to spring the trap, but are attacked by yet more cannibals. In the fight, Gabrielle overcomes her hesitation to kill. The trap is sprung, and all the cannibals washed away.
Virgil's appetite was supressed
during the making of this motion picture.
We see Xena wearing a gold ring, and fighting and caging a monster, who at the last steals the ring from her. 35 years later, Beowulf comes looking for Xena, and she goes with him, leaving Gabrielle a note, saying she probably won't return from her trip. Gabrielle decides to follow anyway. She travels north, and discovers the story of the Valkyrie Xena, who had forsaken love and stolen the Rhine Maidens' Rheingold to make a ring of power. Brunhilde joins Gabrielle in the search for Xena. They discover a large hall full of dead warriors, Xena's armour, and a wounded Beowulf, who says the monster Grendel has taken Xena...
No flying horses were harmed during the
making of this motion picture, although several villages
were bombarded with aerial manure.
...They discover Xena in the woods, and track the monster back to its lair. Xena explains it is Grinhilde, who put on the ring to stop Valkyrie Xena, but was consumed because she had not forsaken love, and so lost what she valued most: her humanity. After lots of fighting in the lair, the monster is killed, and Xena regains the ring. But she realises it is not actually Grinhilde, but another monster -- her son. Odin instructs his Valkyries to abduct Gabrielle, so that he can trade her for the ring. Brunhilde, an undercover Valkyrie, instead abducts Gabrielle and declares her love. Beowulf is injured, and Xena is surrounded by Odin, Valkyries, and monster Grinhilde, and realises the only way out is to put on the ring, to gain its power for long enough before its curse affects her. She escapes, and Odin commands his Valkyries to kill Gabrielle. The ring affects starts to affect Xena, and she loses what she values most: Gabrielle -- by losing her memory and the person that Gabrielle has made her. Brunhilde confronts her, and demands the ring, which she meekly surrenders. Brunhilde then returns to Gabrielle, and gives her the ring. She then demonstrates her love by turning into a holy flame that will protect Gabrielle from everyone but her soul mate. Gabrielle is left sleeping on a fire-surrounded rock; Xena is left memoryless, unarmed, and alone in the woods...
Gabrielle's popularity surged during the making
of this motion picture.
... a year later, Gabrielle's sleeping form is now covered with creepers, and a still-amnesiac Xena is about to marry a Danish prince. Beowulf arrives to persuade Xena to rescue Gabrielle. The Valkyries, and the monster, try to stop her, but she dives through the flames, and her memory is restored. She wakes a now long-haired sleeping Gabrielle in the traditional fashion, and then persuades the monster Grinhilde back into human form, and returns her to Valhalla and her place as head of the Valkyries. Finally, she restores the stolen gold to the Rhine maidens.
Any similarity between our story and the classic
children's fairy tale and is purely coincidental.
The word is out that Ares is mortal, and several warlords have put a bounty on his head. Xena and Gabrielle persuade him to disguise himself as a farmer -- at Xena's childhood home. Some bounty hunters discover him, but Xena and Gabrielle trick them away.
Ares went to the dogs during the making of
this motion picture.
Xena and Gabrielle discover an Amazon village where the warriors are being mysteriously picked off one by one. As the arrive, the mortally wounded Amazon queen arrives back in the village with a challenge, from a bored hunter. Xena, accompanied by the initially hostile new queen, pursues him.
Raczar mysteriously disappeared at the completion
of production of this motion picture and is rumored
to have been living under the guise of
"Prince Vhalimar Barbiqueem Raczar of Lower Alibabaston".
Michael tells Xena that Caligula has become a god, and she is the only person who can stop his cult of blood and terror, before he harms Eve. She is about to kill him when Ares stops her: there is a bond between Caligula and Aphrodite, and if he dies, she will too. Xena tries to find the nature of the bond by pretending to be a Celtic god. Michael persuades Eve to give herself up to Caligula, but just before he can kill her, Xena intervenes. She "persuades" Michael to tell her he put Eve in danger to force Xena's hand. Angry, she makes to kill him, but Eli rescues him, and strips Xena of her power to kill gods. Caligula extracts the last godhood from Aphrodite for himself, leaving her mortal. Xena challenges Caligula to a chariot race: the winner gets to kill Eve. She wins, but then reveals herself as Xena, and tells Caligula she will kill him instead. The crowd turns on him. Xena gives him a choice: she can kill him and he will be forgotten, or he can kill himself, and be remembered forever. He falls on his own sword, and dies.
Gabrielle's undercover disguise was severely harmed during the making of this motion picture
Xena is trying to get the golden apples from Odin. An investigative reporter [Michael Hurst] is convinced she wants them to become a god herself, and sets off interviewing all her old rivals -- Michael, Lucifer, Caligula, ... Even Gabrielle gives an interview, as does Eve (with a lot of bleeping necessary). It turns out that since Aphrodite became mortal, love has gone from the world. Xena gets the apples, and uses them to restore immortality to both Aphrodite and Ares -- because love needs to be balanced. In the final interview, the reporter confronts the pair with the question all the viewers want answered: are Xena and Gabrielle lovers? Xena leans forward to answer...
The concept of linear time was severely harmed during the making of this motion picture
Eve, accompanied by a guard of Roman soldiers, approaches the Amazons, to negotiate for peace. But the new Amazon queen is being seduced by Ares, who needs a big war to regain his street-cred. The Amazons slaughter the soldiers, take Eve captive, and put her on trial for her Livia-days crimes against the Amazons. Gabrielle asserts her role as Amazon queen, and challenges the new queen, but is beaten. So then, of course, Xena fights her. At the end, Xena persuades the Amazon queen to throw off Ares' influence. Livia is still condemned to death, but only so that Eve can live.
The disclaimer for this episode was severely harmed during the making of this motion picture
Belerephon, son of Artemis, makes war on the Amazon nation, because they deserted his mother in her hour of need. Gabrielle is forced to lead the Amazons through several bloody battles, including a Normandy beach invasion, losing a little more of herself in the process. Xena kills Belerephon, despite having lost her ability to kill gods, because he is half mortal.
No shark bait was harmed during the making of this motion picture
A scientist and some Xena geeks clone the originals from two strands of 2000 year old hair, and "program" them by showing them old Xena episodes. They say the modern world needs heroes. But the scientist is actually the evil Alti in disguise, who wants to bring back Evil Xena, discredit her good press, and rule the world with her. But Gabrielle brings out the good Xena, and there's a big fight. It appears our two heroes have perished, but we see them driving off into the sunset...
No Xena fans were harmed during the making of this motion picture
Belach is slaughtering centaurs, claiming the Xenon has kidnapped his daughter. Actually she has gone willingly to Xenon. Xena realises Belach is Barius' son, and that she must make peace between them, to help atone for what she did.
The Centaur population was severely harmed during the making of this motion picture
Julius Caeser captures the Fates, and rewrites history so that he never betrayed and crucified Xena. In the new timeline, she is his empress, adored by the army, and Alti is high priestess. But when an Athenian playwright called Gabrielle appears in Rome, things start to unravel...
As the fates would have it, Caeser was once again severely harmed during the making of this motion picture
It's Gabrielle's birthday, and she's wary of the practical jokes Xena will play. Xena uses Hermes' helmet to fly to the rescue a Zealot virgin sacrifice, but then has to persuade her to be her own person, by introducing her to Aphrodite. But the local warlord wants the helmet, and mayhem ensues. Eventually, Gabrielle gets her birthday present: a poem penned by Sappho.
No fish guts were harmed during the making of this motion picture
A modern day press conference announces the discovery of a lost Xena scroll, telling what happened between Gabrielle and Hope falling in the lava pit, and Xena and Gabrielle being reunited. (Some fans burst into the conference to demand that the new material be made into a seventh season, but they are ejected.) It transpires that Xena agreed to marry Ares if he would help her find Gabrielle. But she stole the marriage contract and hid it. Now it has come to light, and Ares is back to claim Xena, or at least her current incarnation...
Joxer's natural process of elimination was harmed during the making of this motion picture
A monk arrives to ask for Xena's help. On their way to Japan, she recounts to Gabrielle a tale from her Evil Xena days, of taking the kidnapped Ayako back to her father to collect a reward. On their way, Xena fought for the sacred Katana. Xena taught Ayako the Pinch, which she used to kill her evil father, then made Xena restore her honour by beheading her with the sacred sword. Xena tried to fulfil Ayako's last wishes, by burying her ashes with her grandfather, but the townspeople scattered them, and Xena burnt down their town in fury, killing 40,000 people. So Ayako is now a ghost, as is her evil father, who is gathering souls for a battle, including the 40,000. Xena agrees to right the wrong she has done, but the ghost-killer tells her only another ghost can defeat the evil father...
Xena and Gabrielle's Flying Circus &
Amateur Fire Brigade will be arriving in your town soon
The armies attack, and in the battle Xena kills many warriors, but, wounded by many arrows, she is beheaded by a samurai. She appears to Gabrielle as a spirit, saying this is the only way to kill the demon, and Gabrielle can restore her by washing her ashes in the spring of strength on Mount Fuji before sunset the next day. As Xena battles the demon, Gabrielle has to battle the samurai for Xena's body, burn it, and get to Mount Fuji in time. Xena defeats the demon, releasing the 40000 trapped souls. Gabrielle is just about to wash Xena's ashes in the spring, when Xena stops her. Ayako has told her that the only way the freed spirits can survive is for them to have justice, too: Xena must stay dead as atonement. Gabrielle is distraught, but Xena promises to stay with her in spirit. The sun sets...
Xena was permanently harmed during the making of this motion picture, although she kept her spirits up.