Xena: Warrior Princess : season 5 episodes


[the angel Callisto] 5.01. Fallen Angel

Joxer, Amarice and Eli rescue the crucified corpses of Xena and Gabrielle [the nails from the end of last season having conveniently metamorphosed into ropes]. Meanwhile their souls ascend to Heaven, but the demon Callisto attacks, and Gabrielle falls to Hell, doomed to spend eternity in torment. Xena demands of Michael that she be allowed to rescue Gabrielle. She is purified, and becomes an archangel. They rescue Gabrielle, but the angel Xena feels pity for Callisto, and redeems her, thereby taking her place. Now Xena is a full demon, waging war on Heaven. Gabrielle becomes an archangel [Archangel Gabrielle -- hmm] by forgiving the redeemed Callisto. Xena and Gabrielle fight. Meanwhile the angel Callisto appears to Eli and tells him to heal the corpses -- and the two are resurrected.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
5.02. Chakram

Xena has returned with only her "good" half -- she can't contemplate, or even understand, violence: she doesn't even recognise her broken chakram. Gabrielle insists she needs her "dark" half to be whole again. Ares and another god of war are each after the Chakram of Light, so they can become top god -- but only a pure soul can touch it. Xena gets hold of it, but can't bring herself to kill anyone. In the ensuing fight Joxer tells Gabrielle he loves her. Gabrielle is about to be killed, when Xena uses the chakram to kill her opponent. Devastated by what she has done, she nearly gives the chakram to Ares, but instead fuses it with her own one, thereby destroying its power over the gods. This act restores her to her old self, and mayhem ensues.

Xena's dark and violent past were not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
5.03. Succession

Gabrielle is a little put out that Xena doesn't seem to realise she can do her share of the fighting. Then the warrior Mavican tries to kill her -- she wants to fight Xena to prove to Ares that she is her successor. Ares sends them all on a test -- Mavican must kill Xena, but Xena mustn't kill Mavican. Xena and Gabrielle share the same body, Xena by day and Gabrielle by night. Gabrielle realises that Ares has not forbidden her to kill Mavican -- but it's a trick: he is setting this up to get Gabrielle to become the successor. Between them, she and Xena defeat Mavican, and Gabrielle refuses Ares' offer.

Ares' libido was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
5.04. Animal Attraction

Xena is feeling tired and nauseous. Gabrielle discovers a wounded horse, and tames it. They travel to the western town of Spamona, where they discover a warlord bandit is about to return. The sheriff won't let them help -- the bandit is her husband, and she must fight him alone. Xena discovers that she is pregnant -- but by whom? Amarice discovers not all men are beneath contempt. In a High Noon showdown, the bandits are routed, and Xena and Gabrielle ride off into the sunset.

Although The Rabbit Died, no other animals were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
[Gabrielle] 5.05. Them Bones, Them Bones

Xena discovers someone is trying to harm her child. Xena, Gabrielle and Amarice visit the Northern Amazons to discover who -- they find it is the spirit of the evil shaman Alti, who wants to be reborn as the child. Gabrielle goes to the spirit world to fight her, but nearly dies. Xena tries next, and Alti steals her child's soul. She will give it back only if Xena helps her travel back to the real world. Amarice is exposed as only pretending to be an Amazon, but Gabrielle tells her she has truly become one. With the help of the Amazons Xena fools Alti into thinking she has come back to the real world, and, as two skeletons, they fight. Alti is (finally?) destroyed.

Xena and Alti were Bad to the Bone during the production of this motion picture.
5.06. Purity

Xena, Gabrielle and Joxer travel to Chin so that Xena can relearn Lao Ma's power from her book. Lao Ma's twin daughters, one good, one evil, are also after the book. Pao Su has teamed up with a bandit who knows the secret of the explosive black powder, but Xena and the good sister relearn the power, and defeat her.

To obtain a copy of Joxer's recipe for Moo Shu Sauce and other Chinese delicacies visit your local bookstore or look for it at the tavern.
5.07. Back in the Bottle

The spirits of Ming Tien, the Green Dragon, and his sister Pao Su have been united, and have given the secret of the black powder to an army of 100,000. Xena gets a vision of Gabrielle in battle being destroyed by a rocket. Xena must use her unreliable power to defeat the entire army, so that the black powder secret becomes lost again.

Pao Su's split personality was not harmed during the production of this motion picture.
5.08. Little Problems

Aphrodite hears Xena say something compassionate to a little girl in a coma, so grants her wish by swapping their life forces -- but it goes wrong, and Xena ends up trapped in the girl's body. If she can't be returned before sundown, she will be stuck forever, but Aphrodite can't work out how to reverse the transformation. Gabrielle realises that the oil of the twin Castor would work, so she and Aphrodite go to a god's nightclub to get some. Meanwhile, Theron, an old adversary of Xena's, learns what has happened to her, and attempts kidnaps the little girl. In a final showdown, Xena, controlling the girl, fights off the baddies, and is restored to her own body.

No pie tins were harmed during the making of Theron's mask
[Aried is unhappy with Eli] 5.09. Seeds of Faith

Xena and Gabrielle discover Eli preaching the way of peace to many followers, and that Ares is worried by this, fearing the Twilight, and intends to kill them all. Xena holds off Ares' army at the bridge, leaving Gabrielle to protect Eli. Ares arrives, and Eli persuades Gabrielle not to protect him. Ares kill him. Gabrielle is distraught; Xena is furious, and persuades the angel Callisto to show her how to find the dagger that can kill the gods. Ares tries to tempt Gabrielle with his power, but when he reappears to kill the followers, she fights him. He is just about to kill her when Xena appears with the dagger, but she refuses to use it, following Eli's way in the end. Ares, by making Eli a martyr, has only strengthened the movement. Callisto appears, and tells Xena it is time for her to be reincarnated, as the child Xena is carrying, which Callisto gave her in the first place.

Thanks to Eli's non-violent ways many people lost their lives during the production of this motion picture.
5.10. Lyre Lyre Hearts on Fire

Terpsichore's lyre is discovered, givng an excuse for a musical episode, as Xena organises a musical competion for it.

No lyres were strung out during the production of this motion picture.
5.11. Punchlines

Gabrielle irritates Lachrymose, god of misery, so he shrinks Argo to the size of a pony, and then Gabrielle herself to about a foot high. To reverse the process, she needs to make him laugh, and before Xena discovers what has happened to her beloved horse. Reminisces and jokes don't work, but a custard pie fight does the trick. [A "clips" episode, but with more plot than most such.]

Gabrielle and Argo were Shrunk and Permanently Pressed during the production of this motion picture.
[Hercules] 5.12. God Fearing Child

Zeus discovers that the birth of Xena's baby will herald the end of the Greek gods' reign. Hercules arrives to congratulates Xena on her baby, in time to help her fight off Zeus's assassins. He goes off to reason with Zeus, fruitlessly, so he then goes to find a rib of Chronos, which is the only thing that will kill Zeus. Ares tries to kill him, but Hera intervenes, and helps Hercules. Xena goes with Gabrielle to Tartarus, to find the helm of invisibility so she can get close enough to Zeus to kill him. In Tartarus she discovers her son, Solon, and escorts him to the Elysian Fields. But she needs to give him the helm to get past the guards. She and Gabrielle fight there way back out of Tartarus, Xena going into labour. Hercules gets the rib, and is forced to kill Zeus to save Xena. The baby is born, to much roiling of clouds and shaking of the ground, and called Eve.

Zeus cashed in his chips during the production of this motion picture.
5.13. Eternal Bonds

Assassins from Apollo trying to kill Xena and Eve wound Joxer with a poisoned sword. Gabrielle goes with Joxer to find an antidote. Xena has to battle temple armies, and temptation from Ares. She wins.

Ares' virility was harmed during the production of this motion picture.
5.14. Amphipolis Under Seige

Athena tricks Xena into going home to Amphipolis, then attacks it, expecting the villagers to stay loyal to her and force Xena to give up Eve. But they stand with Xena. She tricks Ares into helping her defeat Athena.

Post Production was under seige during the production of this motion picture.
[Gabrielle] 5.15. Married with Fishsticks

Gabrielle is worried that she no longer has the patience or ability to look after a baby. Later, caught up in a spat between Discord and Aphrodite, she is knocked unconscious into the sea. There, suffering from amnesia, she is convinced by a merman (a dead ringer for Joxer...) that she is Crustacea, his wife and the mother of their three strange children. They all gain valuable learning experiences from each other. She wakes to Joxer giving her mouth-to-mouth resuscitation -- it was all a dream. But she now knows she could indeed be a mother again.

No Sea Nymphs or other Denizens of the Deep were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
5.16. Lifeblood

Xena and Gabrielle travel to the Northern Amazons so that Gabrielle can bequeath her caste-right onto Eve, making her an Amazon Princess. But they discover the Amazons reeling from a bloody attack, and desperate for vengeance. Xena has to convince them that there is another way, by showing them how the tribe was founded.

Warning: The Surgeon General confirms practising Weird and Grotesque Amazon rituals may be hazardous to your health.
5.17. Kindred Spirits

Gabrielle wants to settle down as Amazon Queen, but Xena is restless. Joxer is captured breaking Amazon law, and Gabrielle has to try hard to ensure he isn't blinded, or killed, in the traditional manner. The Amazon traditions begin to irritate Gabrielle. She gets Xena to fight Joxer as her Champion, and Xena "kills" him, satisfying the law. Gabrielle decides to leave the tribe, and continue roaming with Xena.

Many Cinnamon Swirls lost their lives during the making of Gabrielle's headdress.
5.18. Antony and Cleopatra

Cleopatra is murdered by a snake, and Xena takes her place to keep Egypt free of Rome. She sets Mark Antony against Brutus, and destroys them both, despite falling for "bad boy" Mark Antony. She makes an ally of the new Emperor, Octavius.

No rubberized snakes intent on destroying the Queen of Egypt were harmed during the production of this motion picture.
5.19. Looking Death in the Eye

An aged Joxer recounts the tale of Xena's last fight against the gods: The Fates tell Xena that Eve will not bring about the Twilight of the Gods until Xena "tastes the essence of Death". So she and Gabrielle engage in an elaborate deception, first to steal the tears (essence) of Death herself, then using them in a scenario that convinces the gods they are all dead. It works, the gods are convinced, but at the last moment a grief-stricken Ares takes Xena's and Gabrielle's "bodies", and seals them in ice coffins...

Death almost died during the production of this motion picture.
[Xena] 5.20. Livia

Xena and Gabrielle are finally freed from the ice, only to discover 25 years has passed. A new warrior of Rome, Livia, is persecuting followers of Eli, supported by Ares. Xena is horrified to learn from Octavius, Augustus Ceaser, that Livia is Eve. She tries to contact Livia, to rescue her from her dark side, but she will have nothing to do with Xena. When Ares discovers who she is, he is horrified. Xena and Livia end up fighting in the Arena for the lives of captured followers of Eli, including Gabrielle, aged Joxer and his poet-son Virgil. Xena wins, refuses to kill Livia, and the disciples gain their freedom.

Due to an overabundance of Beans and Bard Burgers, Meg's gastrointestinal problems intensified during the production of this motion picture.
5.21. Eve

Xena and Gabrielle go after Livia, who is leaving a trail of devastation behind her. They realise she is about to attack a large city of Eli's followers. Xena rushes off to arrange a defence. Gabrielle decides to try one last appeal to Eve -- but she is taken captive. Livia taunts her, saying she will kill her to make Xena attack. Xena arrives and rescues Gabrielle, but in the fight, Joxer is killed. Virgil is devastated. Xena decides she has to kill Livia. In the attack on the city, Xena counterattacks with some of Ceaser's troops. But when she has Livia at her mercy, she cannot bring herself to kill. Then Livia suffers a vision, and realises all she has done, and runs off in anguish.

Joxer's sudden and unexpected death slowed down his rapid aging process during the production of this motion picture.
5.22. Motherhood

Xena and Gabrielle go to help the newly-enlightened Eve. They are taken in by a group of Eli's followers, and Eve is reborn when she visits The Baptist [so, just which religious mythology are they shadowing here, hmm?]. During the rite, Xena has a vision: she can now kill gods. Which the pantheon discover when they attack. So they set the Furies on Gabrielle, and persuade her to kill Eve. Just as she strikes the blow, Xena intervenes with her chakram. Now both Gabrielle and Eve are badly wounded, dying, and the gods attack again. Xena kills a few more, then persuades Aphrodite to take them all to Olympus for a final showdown. During a battle with Athene, she realises her power to kill the gods has waned -- Eve is nearly dead. But Ares heals them both, allowing Xena to kill Athene. He had to give up his immortality to do so, and Xena at last thanks him for what he has done.

All the gods were harmed during the production of this motion picture.