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Certain competition threads start spontaneously on the
science fiction newsgroup rec.arts.sf.written.
One of my favourites was about title/author
pairs that can be read as a single phrase (with possibly the
best being The Sheep Look Up John Brunner). In May 1999 someone
quoting an alleged funny mistranslation, by a translator who missed the
point, of a well-known SF book title A Very Important Mission, and
a thread took off from there. Below are some of the submissions I've
collected from that thread, and from ones sent to me later. (The
contributors of the titles -- either the devisors themselves, or telling
of titles they remember from earlier competitions -- are noted
afterwards.) I've also provided answers -- but
no peeking before trying to work them out -- that's most of the fun!
There are mainly three kinds of 'translation', illustrated by various
submissions for Ringworld:
- straightforward replacing with synonyms: Circular Planet
- replacing with synonyms of a word that sounds the same but has a
different meaning: Planet of Jewellery
- changing the part of speech ("all nouns can be verbed") and
replacing with synonyms: Call the Earth
And extra points for making it the title of another book!
Isaac Asimov
- Basement trilogy -- (Andrew Plotkin)
- Basement -- (Jay Random)
- Colonial Basement -- (Jay Random)
- Sub-Basement -- (Jay Random)
- Basement Wall -- (Jay Random)
- Basement And Subsoil -- (Jay Random)
- Excavation -- (Jay Random)
- Towards The Front Of The Basement -- (Jay Random)
- That's me: Mr Robot -- (Joe Slater)
Iain M. Banks
- In Relief -- (Zara Bee)
- Skairy Mowter -- (Paul Clarke)
John Barnes
- The Single Columbine -- (Jo Walton)
Alfred Bester
- The Man who was Killed -- (Lance Purple)
Ray Bradbury
- Approximately 218.5555 Celsius -- (Brent P. Newhall)
David Brin
- In The Future, Everyone Will Be Famous for Fifteen Weeks --
(Andrew Plotkin)
John Brunner
- The Tanzanian Easel -- (Danny Sichel)
Algis Budrys
- Rascal Displays his Buttocks -- (Andy Hatt)
Lois McMaster Bujold
- Fragments of Repute -- (Robert A. Woodward)
- Weightless -- (Robert A. Woodward)
Orson Scott Card
Raphael Carter
- The Lucky Season Before Winter -- (Thomas Yan)
C. J. Cherryh
- Australia Post-- (Zara Bee)
- Going Under, Standing Still (owes something to Spider
Robinson, no doubt) -- (Andrew Plotkin)
- Subway -- (Zara Bee)
Arthur C. Clarke
- Puberty -- (Andrew Plotkin)
- Music From Remote Ground -- (Mark Hughes)
Hal Clement
- A Very Important Mission -- (JohnnyPez9)
Pamela Dean
- The Covered Ground -- (Thomas Yan)
- The Lizard's Fancy -- (Thomas Yan)
- Dunno About Those Mountains -- (Thomas Yan)
- The Place That Isn't Supposed to be Talked About -- (Thomas
Yan)
Stephen Donaldson
- Jam-Making Energy -- (Mark Hughes)
Debra Doyle and James D. MacDonald
- Huge Salaries -- (Samuel Paik)
Umberto Eco
- Foucault's Gravity Actuated Freely Swinging Body -- (Jonathan
W Hendry)
Greg Egan
- Completely Basic -- (Gareth Wilson)
- Misery -- (Mark Hughes)
- Yict -- (Andrew Plotkin)
Harlan Ellison
- "Seek Forgiveness for your Sins, Clown," ordered the
Clockmaker -- (Keith Morrison)
- I Am Missing an Oral Orifice and Am Required to Yell Piercingly
-- (Keith Morrison)
- I Don't Have Lips So I Talk Very Loudly -- (Joe Slater)
Harry Harrison
- Get out of My Way! Get out of My Way! -- (Joe Slater)
Robert A. Heinlein
- The Alien at Home -- (David Given)
- Foreigner Not in his Homeland -- (Brent P. Newhall)
- Bondage Girl on the Moon -- (Andrew Plotkin)
- Lead Animal -- (David Given)
- Westward Boating -- (David Given)
Frank Herbert
- A Pile of Sand -- (Euan Troup)
James P. Hogan
- Featuring The Acromegalics -- (Danny Sichel)
Norton Juster
- The Fictitious Revenue Collection Enclosure -- (Jonathan W
Hendry)
Stephen King
- Stuff You Must Have -- (Mark Hughes)
- Distress -- (Mark Hughes)
Nancy Kress
- Hispanic Mendicants -- (Angus MacSpon)
Ursula K. LeGuin
- On the Other Hand, It's Dark -- (Joe Slater)
Fritz Leiber
- Our Goth Chick -- (Samuel Paik)
Jonathan Lethem
- Pistols, Sometimes With Songs -- (Mark Hughes)
H. P. Lovecraft
- Adjacent To The Conspicuous Vertically Projecting Landmasses Of
Alienation, Derangement, and Aberration -- (Jonathan W Hendry)
George R.R. Martin
- Switching off the Lamp -- (Jo Walton)
- Difficult Journey -- (Andrew Plotkin)
Julian May
- Kaleidoscopic Countrysides -- (Angus MacSpon)
Ian McDonald
- Cybercafe -- (Mark Hughes)
Robin McKinley
- Attractiveness -- (Jo Walton)
Larry Niven
- Incontinent Moon -- (Steve Patterson)
- Call the Earth -- (Angus MacSpon)
- Circular Planet -- (Lance Purple)
- Planet of Jewellery! -- (Joe Slater)
- Riemann Sum Arboretum -- (Jeff Suzuki)
Larry Niven and Jerry Pournelle
- "I've Got Something In My Eye", Cried God! -- (Mark
Hughes)
- The Hand That Holds -- (Mark Hughes)
George Orwell
- MCMLXXXIV -- (Jonathan W Hendry)
H. Beam Piper
- Short Hairy People -- (Lance Purple)
- Slightly Furry -- (Mark Hughes)
- Rather Uncertain -- (Andy Hatt)
- Duke Calvin From Another Time -- (Mark Hughes)
Frederik Pohl
- Door -- (Brent P. Newhall)
- Male Addition -- (Keith Morrison)
- Past the Sad Speed of Light Gravitational Boundary -- (Keith
Morrison)
Frederik Pohl and Cyril M. Kornbluth
- Buyers and Sellers of Emptiness -- (Brent P. Newhall)
Terry Pratchett
- Multiple Usurers -- (Danny Sichel)
Christopher Priest
- pljoM -- (Andrew Plotkin)
Spider Robinson
- Sad Pachyderms -- (Steve Patterson)
Robert Silverberg
- Gangrene -- (Andrew Plotkin)
- Waypoint for Birds' Beaks -- (Brent P. Newhall)
Norman Spinrad
- The Earl of Insect Cider -- (John M. Gamble)
- The Negated Officer's Rear -- (John M. Gamble)
Neil Stephenson
- Dating Diamonds -- (Jo Walton)
- Avalanche -- (Danny Sichel)
- A Wreck Caused by the Snow -- (Lance Purple)
- Cocaine Overdose -- (Ernest Tomlinson)
Sheri S. Tepper
- Ape's Autumn Refusal -- (Zara Bee)
- Genealogy-- (Thomas Yan)
- Grave Robbing -- (Thomas Yan)
- Marijuana -- (Thomas Yan)
- Turf -- (Zara Bee)
James Tiptree, Jr.
- Literate Texas Cities -- (John M. Gamble)
J. R. R. Tolkien
- Master Campanologist -- (Joe Slater)
- The Ruler of the Jewelry -- (Euan Troup)
Jules Verne
- 20,000 Underwater Professional Sport Associations -- (Keith
Morrison)
Vernor Vinge
- War and Peace -- (Jo Walton)
- When Everyone Turned Purple -- (Jo Walton)
- A Stove on the Water -- (Joe Slater)
Lawrence Watt-Evans
- Universal Orthography -- (Danny Sichel)
Walter Jon Williams
- Look out! The city is burning! -- (Joe Slater)
Connie Willis
- Let Us Not Talk About the Dog -- (Joe Slater)
- Don't Mention the Dog -- (Jo Walton)
- Time Travellers in Victorian England -- (Andrew Plotkin)
Roger Zelazny
- His Eyes are Open, and His Teeth Glow In the Dark -- (Brenda
W. Clough)
- 9 Royal Siblings Preserved in Tree Sap -- (Thomas Yan)
- No Royalty is Well-Preserved (must have been the German
translation) -- (Andrew Plotkin)