TTTO: American Pie , by Don McLean
(slowly) "A long, long time ago," Said the op'ning titles "In a galaxy far far away..." Lucas wrote part four of nine About a young man in his prime And whether to the Dark Side he would stray. Two droids who were named Artoo an' Threepio crashed on Tatooine. They had to find Kenobi In desert worse than Gobi. I can't remember if I cried When Vader ordered fratricide, But I know I was horrified The day the Jawas died. And Luke was singin', "Bye-bye 'cause this planet's too dry." (speed up) Drove his speeder to Mos Eisley to go join the Allies. And Obi-Wan, he chopped the arm off some guy, Saying "Soon, Luke, you will be a Jedi, Soon, Luke, you will be a Jedi." (rollicking) They flew off to Alderaan But when they got there it was gone-- Nothing left but asteroids. So Solo plotted a new course While Luke learned how to use the force And Chewie played some space chess with the droids. Oh, and while we heard John Williams' theme, The Death Star used a tractor beam. Ben went to shut it down So the others could leave town. Luke was a lonely, teen-aged Jedi Knight, With an X-wing fighter and a sword of light, And he knew he had to join the fight The day Kenobi died. And we were singin' Bye-bye, it's the Death Star's demise. It was blown up by a rebel who was code-named Red Five. And Vader very nearly didn't survive 'Cause Han picked a damn good time to arrive, He picked a damn good time to arrive. Oh, on Hoth they built a rebel base, Two decades after "Lost in Space," So the fight could start again. Luke got captured by a beast Which saved him for the evening feast 'Til he used the Force to help him self-defend. Oh, and Han slit up his Tauntaun's hide So a Lukesicle could crawl inside. Then, alas and alack, The Empire struck back! As the AT-ATs walked on through the snow The rebels cried out "Tallyho!" But it was like the Alamo The day Luke's gunner died. They were singin', "Bye-bye, let us deoccupy. If we stay here too much longer we will be vaporized." And Luke flew off to meet with Yoda the Wise, Sayin' "I must learn to be a Jedi, I must learn to be a Jedi." Boggy, foggy, full of little froggies, Dagobah was damp and soggy, But that's where Yoda had his home. He was a wizened little gnome, Two feet high when fully grown, But he taught Luke how to make the Force his own. Ah, but Luke's friends were in trouble deep, With Threepio piled in a heap. Our heroes were betrayed-- Thrown in the stockade! Oh, and by Darth Vader Luke was maimed, Then he hung from a weathervane And he learned Vader's real name The day Han Solo got frozen in a block of carbonite. And they were singin', "Bye-bye, Lando's town in the sky." They left although they had a broken-down hyperdrive. And Boba Fett flew off with Han in Slave I-- They'd be gone 'til "Return of the Jedi," Gone 'til "Return of the Jedi." Then, for three years, we were on our own While Han played Indiana Jones And Carrie married Rhymin' Paul. Sy Snootles sang for Jabba's chums Like Bib Fortuna and Salacious Crumb While Solo hung around on Jabba's wall. Oh, and after Leia got him down The Sarlacc waited underground. It swallowed Boba Fett, (The worst indigestion yet!) And while Leia changed out of her bra, Luke flew off to Dagobah And he was there to hold his paw The day that Yoda died. He was singin', "Bye-bye to the little green guy." He trained Vader and Kenobi and Luke to be Jedi. And now he's gone to that big bog in the sky, Saying "Luke, there is another young Sky..... Luke there is another young Sky.....walk......errrrrgghhhhh....." (slowly) Luke met a man named Palpatine, An Emperor of bein' mean, Who wanted Luke to be his heir. Meanwhile, on the moon below, Rebels struck a counterblow With some assistance from some teddy bears. And in the sky, the spaceships blazed; The fighters fought, and the lasers lazed. The battle, it was heated; The Empire was defeated. And the three Jedi admired most-- Yoda, Ben and Vader's ghost-- They all glowed blue and raised a toast The day Darth Vader died. And we were singin', Bye-bye "Return of the Jedi," We'll wait fifteen years for sequels as Binkley prophesied. And while we wait, we'll make do with "Deep Space Nine," Singin' "May the Force be with you and I, May the Force be with you and I." (faster) Now we're singin', Bye-bye "Return of the Jedi," We'll wait fifteen years for sequels as Binkley prophesied. And while we wait, we'll make do with "Deep Space Nine," Singin' "May the Force be with you and I."