Metriculation

In Sept 2007, George Rawlings sent me the following information about this marvellous piece:

This piece of wonderfulness was created in the early 70's by AFGL, Alan Francis Gerald Lewis and originally published in the Sunday Times along with many others, equally toe curling. They have been collected into an excellent little book Pundemoniam .

Then in Feb 2008, Alan Lewis gently corrected some of this information:

Flattered as I am to find one of my puns on the web, I should point out that Alan Francis Gerald Lewis is a misnomer. I was baptised Alan Frederick Grantley Lewis.


Metriculation

As I 2.54 centimetred my way along the ledge, I could feel my head 0.454 kilogramming with fear that I might fall like a 6.35 kilogramme to the 0.914 metres below. I paused a 12.7 kilogramme of the way along with one 30.5 centimetre 5.03 metred precariously on a short 5.03 metres projecting from the wall.

0.142 litres would be a 1.61 kilometres away by now but anyway I had no 1.29 grammes about her, as I'd had that 4.55 litres my mind for far too long.

I summoned every 28.2 grammes of strength, grasped a rusty 20.1 metre with both 10.2 centimetres and slid to the ground. I could hear a hen nearby 9.10 litring at some loose 0.0648 grammes. Once down, I tried to 1.83 metres why our plan had misfired, what was the 20.1 centimetre I had overlooked, the 1850 metres/hour I had yet to untie.

-- AFGL ( Alan Lewis )


And the key, for the youngsters among you...

As I inch ed my way along the ledge, I could feel my head pound ing with fear that I might fall like a stone to the yard below. I paused a quarter of the way along with one foot perch ed precariously on a short pole [or it could equally well be rod ] projecting from the wall.

Gill would be a mile away by now but anyway I had no scruple s about her, as I'd had that gallon [gal on] my mind for far too long.

I summoned every ounce of strength, grasped a rusty chain with both hand s and slid to the ground. I could hear a hen nearby peck ing at some loose grain s. Once down, I tried to fathom why our plan had misfired, what was the link I had overlooked, the knot I had yet to untie.