English pronunciation

A few examples that illustrate the rather weak link between English spelling and pronunciation...


The Chaos

Charivarius (G. Nolst Trenité)

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!

This marvellous poem is currently circulating on the Web with mostly no attribution, but with (variants of) the following story:

English is tough stuff.

While most of you non-native speakers of English speak English quite well, there is always room for improvement (of course, the same could be said for every person for any subject, but that is another matter). To that end, I'd like to offer you a poem. Once you've learned to correctly pronounce every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world.

If you find it tough going, do not despair, you are not alone: Multi-national personnel at North Atlantic Treaty Organization headquarters near Paris found English to be an easy language ... until they tried to pronounce it. To help them discard an array of accents, the verses below were devised. After trying them, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months at hard labor to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself.

However, Dian de Sha gives the following attribution:

[Charivarius] was a Dutchman, and an English schoolteacher, who wrote funny poems (in Dutch, except this one) for newspapers between 1910-1920.

And Marshall Gilliland goes one better:

In Verbatim; The Language Quarterly, for Autumn 1989, pages 8-10, there is a letter from a man in Salt Lake City, Utah, USA. Mr. Jacob de Jager says he was born in Holland in 1923 and received his education through senior high school in that country. As he studied English, he and others were required to learn by heart for recitation a poem called "The Chaos". He says the poem is by an English teacher named G. Nolst Trenité in the city of Haarlem. Trenité wrote articles under the pen name Charivarious and a little booklet entitled "Drop Your English Accent", in which the poem appeared.

The spelling "Charivarius" is the one used by many Dutch language sites.

[29 Dec 2011] Andy Pepperdine does some textual analysis, and points out what may be transcription errors:

In the verse The Chaos by Nolst Trenité, there seem to be a couple of places where it may not have been transcribed correctly, but searching for a definitive version seems to indicate that almost all of the versions out there have been copied from one another.

First, the line "Souls but foul, haunt but aunt" would look better if soul and foul were either both singular or both plural. Among the first 100 versions I found via Google, only one had both singular, and only one had both plural. All the others were as you have it here.

Second, the line "Heron, granary, canary" would appear to be missing an item. It would read better with something like "Hero, heron, granary, canary", but every single one of the versions I found had exactly what you have.

Third, you could turn it into a game of composing similar couplets. For example:
Omen, women; limber, climber;
Onion, anion; chimera, chimer.

This hint led me to a quite different version on the Web, at a Dutch site dedicated to Charivarius. A version, dated 1922, appears there. The attribution trail doesn't end there: the site also has a little note from Charivarius, saying that the poem was written at the behest of the author of "Drop your foreign Accent", who supplied a "a list with approximately 450 words, arranged alphabetically" as source material.

This version does indeed have the "hero" and "soul" that Andy predicted (good call!), but it is not as simple as those two changes. The version on the Charivarius website is considerably longer than the one appearing elsewhere on the web, and even where they overlap, there are quite a few difference.

Below I lay out the two versions side by side, with a few comments of my own impressions of the differences (caveat: I'm making comments based on my own particular English accent: your mileage may vary!).

common Web version Charivarius site (original) version my comments
Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
Dearest creature in creation
Studying English pronunciation,
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
I will keep you, Susy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy;
changing the spelling to "Suzy" loses the the relationship to "busy"
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.
Tear in eye, your dress you’ll tear;
Queer, fair seer, hear my prayer.
the changed last line in the common version misses the fact that "fair" and "prayer" rhyme, as do "queer", "seer" and "hear"; maybe it was changed to remove to "queer" (here meaning "odd")?
Pray, console your loving poet,
Make my coat look new, dear, sew it!
Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Just compare heart, hear and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain
(Mind the latter how it’s written).
Made has not the sound of bade,
Say—said, pay—paid, laid but plaid.
"bade" is the past tense of "bid", nowadays only heard in "bade farewell". This is a tricky couplet, since neither "bade" nor "plaid" have an obvious pronunciation -- they rhyme with "fad"
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as vague and ague,
changing to "plaque" misses the point: "plague" rhymes with "vague"; "plague you" rhymes with "ague"
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
But be careful how you speak,
Say: gush, bush, steak, streak, break, bleak,
the change here scans better
Previous, precious, fuchsia, via
Recipe, pipe, studding-sail, choir;
Cloven, oven, how and low, Woven, oven, how and low, "woven to "cloven" makes no difference to pronunciation or scansion; but cloven is a slightly more obscure word.
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe. Script, receipt, shoe, poem, toe. "shoe" is better: it is one of three pronunciations of "oe"; "show" lines up with "low" in the previous line, but introduces no new pronunciation
Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,

Say, expecting fraud and trickery:
Daughter, laughter and Terpsichore,
changing "fraud" to "devoid" loses the "au" link to the next line; it was possible changed to go with the later "typhoid", despite having the same pronunciation
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Branch, ranch, measles, topsails, aisles,
Missiles, similes, reviles.
"branch" and "ranch" rhyme, so I don't know why they are here
I wonder if the original author was thinking of the American or English pronunciation of "missiles"? (short v. long "i"); the America version fits better with "measles", the English with "aisles"
Wholly, holly, signal, signing,
Same, examining, but mining,
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far.
From “desire”: desirable—admirable from “admire”,
Lumber, plumber, bier, but brier,
Topsham, brougham, renown, but known,
Knowledge, done, lone, gone, none, tone,
"Topsham" is a place name; pronunciation of place names is even worse that ordinary words; here it's " " Tops-ham" (I had to look it up);
"brougham" is a word now known only to readers of historical novels
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel.
Gertrude, German, wind and wind,
Beau, kind, kindred, queue, mankind,
"wind and wind" using two different pronunciations is cleverer, if you use the long "i" pronunciation for it in the usual version, you could miss the point
Tortoise, turquoise, chamois-leather,
Reading, Reading, heathen, heather.
"Reading" is a place name, pronounced "redding"; the capitalisation implies the first occurrence is "reading", the second the placename; when I read it aloud, however, the opposite order seems to scan better (but then you wouldn't get the capitalisation clue)


This phonetic labyrinth
Gives moss, gross, brook, brooch, ninth, plinth.
Have you ever yet endeavoured
To pronounce revered and severed,
Demon, lemon, ghoul, foul, soul,
Peter, petrol and patrol?
Here we have a singular "soul", to contrast with "foul", as Andy predicted.
Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Billet does not end like ballet;
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.


Banquet is not nearly parquet,
Which exactly rhymes with khaki.
nowadays "parquet" doesn't rhyme with "khaki" (it's not pronounced "parky"); it rhymes better with "okay" ("parkay")
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
Discount, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward,
why change "discount" to "viscous"? it keeps the contrasting vowel sound; but loses the rest of the connection to "viscount"
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Ricocheted and crocheting, croquet?
Right! Your pronunciation’s OK.
OK, the usual version is easier to say; but that's hardly the point
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.
Is your R correct in higher?
Keats asserts it rhymes with Thalia.
Hugh, but hug, and hood, but hoot,
Buoyant, minute, but minute.
"minute": another word with two pronunciations; here we have the rhyme clue first, so it's clear which is which
Say abscission with precision,
Now: position and transition;
Would it tally with my rhyme
If I mentioned paradigm?
Twopence, threepence, tease are easy,
But cease, crease, grease and greasy?
Since decimal coinage was introduced in 1971, the pronunciation of "twopence" has changed from "tuppence" to "two-pee", and "threepence" ("thruppence") is no longer used


Cornice, nice, valise, revise,
Rabies, but lullabies.
Of such puzzling words as nauseous,
Rhyming well with cautious, tortious,
You’ll envelop lists, I hope,
In a linen envelope.
Would you like some more? You’ll have it!
Affidavit, David, davit.
To abjure, to perjure. Sheik
Does not sound like Czech but ache.


Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, loch, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed but vowed.
Mark the difference, moreover,
Between mover, plover, Dover.
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice,
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.
Petal, penal, and canal,
Wait, surmise, plait, promise, pal,
occurs later on in the usual version


Suit, suite, ruin. Circuit, conduit
Rhyme with “shirk it” and “beyond it”,
But it is not hard to tell
Why it’s pall, mall, but Pall Mall.
Muscle, muscular, gaol, iron,
Timber, climber, bullion, lion,


Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor,
occurs later on in the usual version
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
Has the A of drachm and hammer.
I'm neutral about this change: "drachm" is an archaic word (today it is spelled "dram"), but "enamour" adds nothing to "clamour"
Pussy, hussy and possess,
Desert, but desert, address.
Another word with two pronunciations: I think the scansion dictates which is which


Golf, wolf, countenance, lieutenants
Hoist in lieu of flags left pennants.
this is proof positive that the rhyme is not about American English pronunciation
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Courier, courtier, tomb, bomb, comb,
Cow, but Cowper, some and home.
"doll" and "roll" appear later in the original


“Solder, soldier! Blood is thicker”,
Quoth he, “than liqueur or liquor”,
Making, it is sad but true,
In bravado, much ado.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Pilot, pivot, gaunt, but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand and grant.
Here's Andy's "souls" in the usual version, moved from the (singular) "soul" in the original;
notice it's "wont", not "won't"
Arsenic, specific, scenic,
Relic, rhetoric, hygienic.
Gooseberry, goose, and close, but close,
Paradise, rise, rose, and dose.
another word with two pronunciations: here the rhyme clue is in the following line; however, there is also a clue in the "goose", the "z"/"s" is in the same order
Say inveigh, neigh, but inveigle,
Make the latter rhyme with eagle.
Mind! Meandering but mean,
Valentine and magazine.
And I bet you, dear, a penny,
You say mani-(fold) like many,
Which is wrong. Say rapier, pier,
Tier (one who ties), but tier.
the author loses the bet, so I had to read this a few times to work it out: it is wrong to say "menny-fold"; it's "manny-fold"
Arch, archangel; pray, does erring
Rhyme with herring or with stirring?
Prison, bison, treasure trove,
Treason, hover, cover, cove,
Perseverance, severance. Ribald
Rhymes (but piebald doesn’t) with nibbled.
Phaeton, paean, gnat, ghat, gnaw,
Lien, psychic, shone, bone, pshaw.
I had to look up "ghat"; it's a Hindi word, pronounced with a sort of long "a";
"pshaw" isn't really pronounced to rhyme with "gnaw" (except through backformation); it's a transliteration of the sound of disbelief/impatience
Don’t be down, my own, but rough it,
And distinguish buffet, buffet;
Brood, stood, roof, rook, school, wool, boon,
Worcester, Boleyn, to impugn.
Say in sounds correct and sterling
Hearse, hear, hearken, year and yearling.
this implies that "yearling" rhymes with "sterling" ("yurling"?), but I've never heard it pronounced anything other than "year-ling"
Evil, devil, mezzotint,
Mind the z! (A gentle hint.)
Now you need not pay attention
To such sounds as I don’t mention,
Sounds like pores, pause, pours and paws,
Rhyming with the pronoun yours;
Nor are proper names included,
Though I often heard, as you did,
Funny rhymes to unicorn,
Yes, you know them, Vaughan and Strachan.
No, my maiden, coy and comely,
I don’t want to speak of Cholmondeley.
No. Yet Froude compared with proud
Is no better than McLeod.
Yes, people's names are no better than place names
But mind trivial and vial,
Tripod, menial, denial,
Troll and trolley, realm and ream,
Schedule, mischief, schism, and scheme.
Argil, gill, Argyll, gill. Surely
May be made to rhyme with Raleigh,
I had to look up "argil": I guessed the vowels right, but got the "g" wrong; given it is a soft "g", I assume the first "gill" is soft, the second hard.
But you ’re not supposed to say
Piquet rhymes with sobriquet.
Had this invalid invalid
Worthless documents? How pallid,
Now that's really cruel; not only is the pronunciation clue on the following line, but the line break encourages the reversed pronunciation!


How uncouth he, couchant, looked,
When for Portsmouth I had booked!
Zeus, Thebes, Thales, Aphrodite,
Paramour, enamoured, flighty,
Episodes, antipodes,
Acquiesce, and obsequies.
Please don’t monkey with the geyser,
Don’t peel ’taters with my razor,
Rather say in accents pure:
Nature, stature and mature.
Pious, impious, limb, climb, glumly,
Worsted, worsted, crumbly, dumbly,
Conquer, conquest, vase, phase, fan,
Wan, sedan and artisan.
The TH will surely trouble you
More than R, CH or W.
Say then these phonetic gems:
Thomas, thyme, Theresa, Thames.
Thompson, Chatham, Waltham, Streatham,
There are more but I forget ’em—
Wait! I’ve got it: Anthony,
Lighten your anxiety.
The archaic word albeit
Does not rhyme with eight—you see it;
With and forthwith, one has voice,
One has not, you make your choice.
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.


Shoes, goes, does. Now first say: finger;
Then say: singer, ginger, linger.
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, age,


the original has a footnote on "does", saying it is the plural of "doe" (a deer, a female deer); but that would make it rhyme with "goes"; the third person singular of "do" is a better contrast
Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Hero, heron, query, very,
Parry, tarry, fury, bury,
As Andy suggested, "heron" is paired with "hero", but earlier in the poem, with a different scansion
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Dost, lost, post, and doth, cloth, loth,
Job, Job, blossom, bosom, oath.
changing the second "Job" (a name) to "nob" loses the change in pronunciation


Faugh, oppugnant, keen oppugners,
Bowing, bowing, banjo-tuners
Holm you know, but noes, canoes,
Puisne, truism, use, to use?


"faugh", like the earlier "pshaw", is a translitereation of a sound of contempt (also spelled "pfui", or even "phooey");
"oppugnant", "oppugners" and "puisne"are not words in my vocabulary
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Though the difference seems little,
We say actual, but victual,


Seat, sweat, chaste, caste, Leigh, eight, height,
Put, nut, granite, and unite
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Reefer does not rhyme with deafer,
Feoffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Hmm, it looks as if there may be some bowdlerisation going on; reefer scans better because of the different stress;
I had to look up "feoffer"
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late. Dull, bull, Geoffrey, George, ate, late, "George" without "Geoffrey" loses the contrasting "eo"
Hint, pint, senate, but sedate. Was "hint" to "mint" a typo?
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.
Gaelic, Arabic, pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific;
changing to "scenic" may look as if it relates to "science", but it misses the three "a" sounds (okay, so the "a" in Gaelic isn't the schwa in Arabic and pacific, but it's a lot closer than the vowel sound in "scenic")
Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.


occurs earlier in the original version
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.


occurs earlier in the original version
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Tour, but our, dour, succour, four,
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Say manoeuvre, yacht and vomit,
Next omit, which differs from it
Bona fide, alibi
Gyrate, dowry and awry.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Sea, idea, guinea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
the change from "guinea" to "Korea" doesn't make sense, as it loses an "ea" pronunciation
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean,
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.
Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion with battalion,
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Rally with ally; yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, key, quay!
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, receiver.
Changing an ordinary word to a proper name does not improve things.


Never guess—it is not safe,
We say calves, valves, half, but Ralf.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.
Starry, granary, canary,
Crevice, but device, and eyrie,
"heron" is used earlier in the original version, paired with "hero"
Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Face, but preface, then grimace,
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Bass, large, target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, oust, joust, and scour, but scourging;
Ear, but earn; and ere and tear
Do not rhyme with here but heir.
changing "heir" to the identically pronounced "ere" loses the impact of the silent "h"
Mind the O of off and often
Which may be pronounced as orphan,
if you do pronounce "often" as "orphan" you will sound as if you are trying to be posh; the main difference in pronunciation in the UK is whether the "t" is silent or not


With the sound of saw and sauce;
Also soft, lost, cloth and cross.
Pudding, puddle, putting. Putting?
Yes: at golf it rhymes with shutting.
Respite, spite, consent, resent.
Liable, but Parliament.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew, Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, clerk and jerk,
Asp, grasp, wasp, demesne, cork, work.
changing "clerk" to "Turk" changes it from the same vowel pronounced differently, to different vowels pronounced the same


A of valour, vapid, vapour,
S of news (compare newspaper),
G of gibbet, gibbon, gist,
I of antichrist and grist,
Differ like diverse and divers,
Rivers, strivers, shivers, fivers.
Once, but nonce, toll, doll, but roll,
Polish, Polish, poll and poll.
Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
Pronunciation—think of Psyche!—
Is a paling, stout and spiky.
Won’t it make you lose your wits
Writing groats and saying “grits”?
it's pronounced "grohts", not "grits"
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.
It's a dark abyss or tunnel
Strewn with stones like rowlock, gunwale,
Islington, and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.


Don’t you think so, reader, rather,
Saying lather, bather, father?
Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!!!
Finally, which rhymes with enough,
Though, through, bough, cough, hough, sough, tough??
Hiccough has the sound of sup...
My advice is: GIVE IT UP!

In summary, I'd say the changes have made some of the scansion better, but with the loss of some of the comparisons made in the original.


Hints on pronunciation for foreigners

TSW *

I take it you already know 
of tough and bough and cough and dough?
Others may stumble, but not you,
On hiccough, thorough, lough** and through.
Well done! And now you wish, perhaps,
To learn of less familiar traps?

Beware of heard, a dreadful word
That looks like beard and sounds like bird.
And dead: it's said like bed, not bead --
For goodness sake, don't call it deed!
Watch out for meat and great and threat
(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt)

A moth is not a moth in mother,
Nor both in bother, broth in brother,
And here is not a match for there,
Nor dear and fear for bear and pear.
And then there's dose and rose and lose --
Just look them up -- and goose and choose.
And cork and work and card and ward.
And font and front and word and sword.
And do and go and thwart and cart.
Come, come, I've hardly made a start!

A dreadful language? Man alive,
I'd mastered it when I was five!

* This has two different main attributions on the Web: the most common one is simply "TSW", but George Bernard Shaw occurs in several places. I haven't been able to track this down further myself, but other Webby people have helped with information.

Jennifer Grist emailed me from France in Feb 2006, with the following:

The information given to me by an elderly french friend is that this poem appeared as a letter to the Sunday Times dated 3 January 1965 and has since been quoted in a work by Mackay and Thomson 1968.

Valentijn Sessink also emailed me in Feb 2006, from Holland, saying:

I found this gem of a poem in Keith Johnson's An Introduction to Foreign Langauge [sic] Learning and Teaching . It's attributed to T.S.W. (the author's name is otherwise unknown) and is from a letter published in the London Sunday Times on January 3, 1965. As publishers usually try really hard to find the author's information (for copyright reasons), I have reason to believe this is correct information.

Clearly many authors like to quote this poem. Amanda Ward, a special education teacher in Watauga County, North Carolina, emailed me in Dec 2006:

I came across this poem while reading a text called Beginning to Read: Thinking and Learning about Print by Marilyn Jager Adams (1990). She used this poem in her book as an example to 'pithily summarize' the significant problems with written English and the alphabetic principle for purposes of learning to read and write.

In that book it has the reference: "From a letter published in the London Sunday Times (January 3, 1965), cited by Chomsky (1970). Only the initials T.S.W. are known."

So, is anyone keen enough to track down that issue of the London Sunday Times? Particularly to get the original punctuation, which varies slightly from site to site.

** Like many other sites, I originally had the word "laugh" here. In Nov 2003 Melanie McKee kindly emailed to tell me:

The word "laugh" is incorrect. The poem actually uses the word "lough". Lough is pronounced lock, and is a lake or an arm of the sea. I suspect that many people copied it incorrectly and changed the "ou" to an "au" because they simply didn't know what a lough was. But the real poem says "lough" which goes along with all the other "ough" words in the two lines.

And the tale continues...

In April 2010, Paul Valenzuela emailed me:

i noticed a poem entitled "Hints on pronunciation for foreigners" and realized i have seen this poem before:
http://www.cupola.com/html/wordplay/english1.htm
in which you see a longer version of the poem with a book and page reference.

The book/page reference given there is: "On page 480 of the second (1975) edition of his book, "Aspects of Language", Dwight Bolinger cited a portion of this poem. He credits Richard Krogh as its author, but says no more about its origins." I have the 1968 first edition, where it doesn't seem to appear. Google Books show a portion on page 283 of the 1981 third edition, beginning at the line "Beware of heard...". (In fact, the way the longer version is formatted at the Cupola site, it could well be two separate pieces, one about plurals, one about pronunciation.)

Tracking the extra clue of "Richard Krogh", via some blog posts, leads to: "Brush Up On Your English, with Hints on Pronunciation for visiting Foreigners, from the Manchester Guardian", Spelling Progress Bulletin 1(1):20, 1961. This is a slight variant of the shorter version, credited "with appologies [sic] to T.S.W.". Any advance on 1961?

Note that the word given as laugh/lough ** above is given at the link as "slough", pronounced "sluff", except when it is capitalised, and hence the name of the town Slough, where that "ough" is appropriately pronounced like the cry of pain "ow" (or, less contentiously, where it rhymes with "how", "now", "bough", "cow")

... and continues

[13 Dec 2011] Steve Reed tells me of a different attribution:

I have a copy of the Bloomsbury Grammar Guide by Gordon Jarvie (1993) ISBN: 0747513856. Bloomsbury Publishing PLC. This volume reproduces the poem and credits the author as Herbert Farjeon.

The Bloomsbury Grammar Guide is available through Google Books. Although the book credits Herbert Farjeon (1887–1945), it doesn't provide any bibliographic information to allow further tracing.


Word pairs

misc

At the Army base, a bass was painted on the head of a bass drum.
They were too close to the door to close it. 
It was difficult to coax the coax cable through the conduit.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert. 
The buck does funny things when the does are present. 
The dove dove into the bushes. 
The entrance to a mall fails to entrance me. 
I spent last evening evening out a pile of dirt. 
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend? 
The insurance for the invalid was invalid. 
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
A cat with nine lives lives next door.
She will mouth obscenities unless you stop her mouth. 
After a number of injections, my jaw got number. 
I did not object to the object. 
We polish the Polish furniture. 
There is no time like the present to present the present. 
A farm can produce produce. 
She was reading a book in Reading.
The dump was so full it had to refuse more refuse. 
On the road to the race, the oarsmen rowed about who rowed the best. 
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row. 
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line. 
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow. 
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests. 
I shed a tear when I saw the tear in my clothes. 
The unionised gas smothered the unionised workforce.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail. 
The bandage was wound around the wound.